Saturday, May 28, 2011

Missing horses, missing myself

I get tired of trying to be positive. I miss horses. I miss riding. I feel like a huge part of my existence has been simply ripped away and left in its' place is a huge gaping hole of depression. Every sunny day makes me feel bitter and sad because it's wasted on me. What I loved to do is fucking gone.

I have a family I have to function for so I suck it up and exist. But just existing sucks.

13 comments:

S. Lauren said...

Please don't give up on horses. :'(

Michelle said...

I hear you. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I complain because I can't see my horse every day! Your post puts it in perspective. Sorry....=(

Lisa said...

This could have been written by any of us, in the right (wrong?) circumstances. This is only temporary, even if it is an extended hiatus from riding. Maybe this is the time to learn to drive a horse? Not sure if your injury would allow it, or even if there are driving horses in your area, but just a thought.

Tammy said...

You definitely need some horse time! What's the doc say? How much longer until it's safe to ride?

If its any consolation (and it probably isn't), our weather has been so sucky that it's either raining, windy, raining and windy or too muddy! Last weekend was a gift but its back again... What a waste of a bloody holiday weekend!

I do hope once you have healed you find that special horse. Don't give up... it't there. If horses weren't in your soul, you wouldn't be hurting as much as you are right now...

English Rider said...

No help to offer, just solidarity. My reality sucks too. Hard to believe it will improve. Hugs.

Kristen Eleni Shellenbarger said...

Keep that passion in your life. Start it up again...slowly to what you can handle before taking the big dive again. Start by riding again... :)
I'm sorry, I can relate from a different place but you shouldn't let it go completely if you really need/want horses back in your life.
I hope you find a way!

Barbara said...

One nice thing about a blog is that it is a perfectly good place to vent. Some of us who read your blog have been sidelined by injuries. Some of us have lost beloved horses, some both. This is an excellent place to vent to people who understand.

OnTheBit said...

I was thinking about you a lot today. I wonder if you ears were ringing. I wish I had something encouraging to say, but I don't. It SUCKS!

allhorsestuff said...

Blast!
Where is it -the horse for you?!!

If I was without, even with all my ups and downs with this mare, I'd be miserable too!

Hoping, praying...your horse
find s you soon!

Denali's Mom said...

It's amazing what happens when horses enter your life. Your life is forever changed. I know how you feel, while not entirely since I still have the mareface. I can't ride her, which is all I can think about.

Hugs.

Also. Damn Knees and Hips. Hope yours is doing better!!

Breathe said...

When I couldnt ride, I groomed. When I didn't have the right horse, I loved on others', believing it would come. When my family complained about the time away, I reminded them that when mama ain't happy, no ones happy.

All the solutions aren't present, but some are reachable. I hope you can find time to get some horse grime under your nails.

Jean said...

I am an incurable optimist...somehow I think this is all going to work out just fine for you.

You haven't given us much information about your injuries, but what you do need to do it take the time to heal.

In the meanwhile, perhaps you could make some plans...little goals at first--ones you can easily accomplish. Little successes here and there will help rebuild your faith in yourself and in life. Set yourself up for a few wins...then go out and win.

I know after my knee replacements, I am going to face a long haul of recovery. I'm not looking forward to it--but beyond to the day when I can get on one of my horses and not be in pain. (Optimist at work...ignoring the immediate and not to pleasant future.)

Meantime, I send you hugs. (hug) (hug)

Merri said...

I think it will work out for you too, however it's meant to be. When i'm depressed about something - like not getting to ride, I try to tell myself there's a reason and this black hole is making room for another opportunity.
Hang in there.
- The Equestrian Vagabond