Tuesday, April 12, 2011

What I Want

I am sitting here trying to work, with my stupid knee brace encased leg causing me to shift into ever increasingly uncomfortable contortions.

I didn't deserve this injury. I am not reckless, stupid or untrained. I am well aware of what my limitations are at 45 years old. And I got handed another screwing by fate. I am also depressed, angry and sad because I am 45 f'ing years old. When you break at 25 years old, your body heals and you have time. When you get broken at 45 years old, every day you lose takes you another step closer to your last ride.

I have decided that if I get out of this one and regain any of my riding, I know what I want.

I want the same kind of horse I had when I first started all this. I want the same horse I had as a kid that opened this whole world up to me and made it fun. The requirements are pretty simple:

1) Gelding. I will N E V E R go near a damn mare again. After my black mare I should have learned there will never be redemption in my experience for a mare.

2) Chestnut. My first horse was a beautiful liver chestnut. And I loved him as only a girl will love her first horse.

3) Quarter Horse or Quarter Horse cross. I know there are a few QH left in this world who are at least 16.2 hands tall. My first horse was a QH/Morgan cross and my second horse was a QH/TB cross. Sound, sane and just good hearted riding horses.

4) Has NO vices under tack. My first horses were green broke when I got them but they NEVER bucked, reared or bullied me. This time I want a horse who's a little older but just as trustworthy.

And if that no longer exists in this world, then screw horses.

15 comments:

Marissa said...

Do you read Stephanie's blog (http://theaspiringequestrian.blogspot.com/)? Maybe it will give you some hope for riding after knee surgery. It was a long road, but she is back in action and I find her story really uplifting. Not sure if you are ready to read about others' successes yet, but maybe at some point it will cheer you up. Hang in there, totally within your rights to mope/b*tch/whine/get p.o.'d for a bit.

Mrs Mom said...

This is good- you KNOW what you want. Now, it is up to your bod to heal up, so you can set about getting what you want!

Pulling for you girl- and I feel your pain all too well.

Thinking of you daily down here.

Jean said...

They exist!! Have faith!!

I too am partial to geldings, but I like bays....then again, my Chance is a chestnut and he is a sweetie. He'd be exactly what you want, except he is smaller than you need. He is sweet, smart, and responsible.

I am 100% sure there are horses like him in larger packages out there. When you are ready, we will all put our heads together and find you one.

Right now, it sounds as if you need to focus on recovery. Time will go by faster than you expect and before you know it you will be up and around, ready to get fit for the saddle.

I will be here to cheer you on!!

IanH said...

Recovery is the issue now. The rest will come. At 45 you are in the prime of life, not at the end. I know how you are feeling 'cause I was there 22 years ago. Keep focused on getting well! At 65 my mare tossed me (my fault) and I got a separated shoulder out of it. Did I quit riding? No! I am still riding her at 67, although I was very cautious the first few times back up. It took a year and a half to heal up, but it was worth it. When I wasn't able to ride, I was working with the horses. Hang in there! If I did it, you can too!
:-]

jill said...

Yes they exist, I found one, so can you. Scout is about 16.2, QH geld with a little thoro in his pedigree. When I was looking, THE most important thing to me, being middle aged, was a horse with a good, kind mind! A horse that I could trail ride, dressage, jump maybe. It took me a year to get smart and stop looking at horses thru "training" barns and "trainers". They just wanted to show me "almost there" horses, or "justs needs regular work". Just because I can ride well doesn't mean I want to deal with retraining someone else's mistake. Screw that! I wanted a horse that could sit in the pasture for days and then would ride out fine without all sorts of "warmup".
I found Scout thru a breeder who specialized in "family horses".
Temperment was paramount to me. Even though he was young(3.5) when I got him, he was a KIND soul who hadn't been messed with or thru a bunch of homes already. Not a mean bone in his body.
When you're ready, I am willing to help, be it from miles away... the internet is a fantastic tool.
You deserve a GOOD HORSE again. ;)

Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you have sustained an injury. It totally sucks in every way to be forced to the sidelines due to something beyond your control.

Hang in there, try to stay strong and just work through it day by day. I can imagine that at this point with all you have been through since losing Monty that you just feel fed up.

Thinking of you and sending you lots of healing thoughts and cyber hugs.

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Another thing we have in common: I am also 45 years old.
And after my FIRST fall 2 years ago, and the knee surgery, I discovered quickly that we don't bounce at all. And we take 3 times as long to heal up after an injury...maybe even longer.

I never got the chance to just fall and get back up and ride again. Not that I really wanted to, of course. But I can't help but feel slightly envious of those riders who fall off their horses on a weekly or monthly basis and just dust themselves off and remount. Didn't happen for me.

And like you, I've done nothing to deserve the injuries that have been forced upon me, too. In fact, as a fairly novice rider/owner, getting my first horse just a few years ago, I'm envious of you for having some wonderfully positive horse experiences growing up, as I didn't have the privilege of having horses in my life when I was a child.

But I'm thinking that I should have a few of your selections from off your horse wish list, namely a gelding and the behavior/vice thing, too. It seems all I ever do is ride mares, though. I've ridden 6 different mares in past 3 years and I've only ridden two geldings. My mare has bullying/threatening/kicking issues and I have a fear/distrust issue.

You mentioned a knee injury. How did it happen and will you be needing surgery on your knee? I can share some advice about that if you're ever interested.

Feel better soon and heal well and quickly,
~Lisa

Denali's Mom said...

Wait....this mare did this to you??

I wanted a grey gelding, NOT a TB (love them, but not for a timid rerider,) and over 10. You know what I got....next time!

Knees take time, do it right the first time. Feel better!!! I'm trying to also.

Dreaming said...

I'm with you on 'getting older sucks' and on the gelding thing!

I'm glad you have figured out a plan. That will help you as you heal and give you something as a goal. You will heal... but you are right, as our bodies get older, things go more slowly and may not always be 'perfect' again.
Good luck. I look forward to reading about your progress....

smazourek said...

I have that horse, and I don't blame you one bit for wanting him too. He's not for sale though.

After his half-sister broke my ankle (mares!), he was quite happy to gently pack me around and deposit me right back on the mounting block so I didn't have to drop all the way to the ground when I dismounted. He's thoughtful like that.

Yours is out there, waiting for you when you're ready. I haven't commented here before but I have followed along a bit; so I know if anyone is due a break- it's you!

Cousin B said...

I'm 55 yrs old. Began riding with my cousins "The Pony Cousins group" about 4 years ago. I just fell from a spooked mare also, got 3 fractures in back. I ALSO am looking for that perfect, solid, calm temp. horse and I SOOO relate to what you're going through. Like laughing Orca, I too wish I could just bounce like the young ones, or the smooth way the rodeo cowboys jump up and keeping walking (or limping...) away. Riding is wonderful, peaceful etc. I'm re-evaluating my abilities but also trying to figure out IF I really want to commit to buying one. I'll be praying for you to heal well. I looked through your posts, but never could find exactly what happened?

Cousin B said...

I'm 55 yrs old. Began riding with my cousins "The Pony Cousins group" about 4 years ago. I just fell from a spooked mare also, got 3 fractures in back. I ALSO am looking for that perfect, solid, calm temp. horse and I SOOO relate to what you're going through. Like laughing Orca, I too wish I could just bounce like the young ones, or the smooth way the rodeo cowboys jump up and keeping walking (or limping...) away. Riding is wonderful, peaceful etc. I'm re-evaluating my abilities but also trying to figure out IF I really want to commit to buying one. I I'll be praying for you to heal well. I looked through your posts, but never could find exactly what happened? Regardless, I'm praying for your confidence and healing. And, I'm looking forward to watching your progress.

Once Upon an Equine said...

I'm very sorry about your knee injury. I hope you heal well and as quickly as possible. I'm 50+ and I agree, it is harder to bounce back from everything. Heck, I can't even bounce outta bed in the morning like I used to, let alone bounce back from an injury.

Jennifer MacNeill-Traylor said...

Oh no! I hope you are feeling better and on the mend:(

Michelle said...

=( Sorry to hear about your injury! I hope you are feeling better soon and can being your search for your new dream horse.