"But O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes." - William Shakespeare - beautifully said by the bard.
Every morning on the way to work I drive past the riding stable down the street from the vet's barn where I was boarding at. And every day I see riders working with their horses in the morning. And every day I am reminded of what I seem unable to have. And it really hurts. I am trying to be upbeat, but let's face it, There is a level of bitterness that I cannot deny.
I have been slowly removing all the horse related emails I'd get from tack and gear retailers. I don't want to know what's new. There's no point, really. I'm trying to clean up my FaceBook page and "unlike" a bunch of horse related sites. I don't want to know about what's new there, either.
I'm still going to ride the horse my trainer suggested this Friday. If I like him, I'll try the half boarding situation. But I have owned my own horse for the past 35 years. Hard to swallow I have to play by someone elses' rules with their horse. Depending on how much freedom I am given with the horse, this will either work for me or not. And I can't shake my dream of foxhunting and I still love the hunter paces which I will never be able to do in this arrangement.
I hate that I am tall and have a large frame. The same problem is going to haunt me until I give this up. I need a big horse. But there are many more affordable horses available that I could even consider if I could ride something between 15.2 and 16.1 hands. If I was about 5'6 and smaller, I might even have been able to find a sound, younger riding horse that I could have adopted. The big ones are hard to find.
I spent so much money trying to save Rugby that the thing I feared has happened to me. I lost him. I owe a lot of money and have nothing. I woudn't wish my luck on anyone.
In a dark place, and bitter. Thank you William Shakespeare for saying it better than ever I could.