Monday, August 30, 2010

Riding Rules for "Older" Horsewomen

From the website. Worth sharing, as I too am an "older" horse woman:

Some RIDING RULES for the, ahem, Older Horse Woman:

• We DO NOT need to show up with our hair combed, makeup on and wearing a clean shirt.

• Moaning, groaning and complaining about aching muscles is perfectly acceptable, as is taking Motrin (or something stronger) prior to a ride.

• Helping someone on or off the horse does not mean the rider is an invalid. It only means the horse got taller overnight.

• No one will comment about how big someone's butt looks in the saddle.

• When a horse is acting up, we will accept that the horse is just having a bad- hair day and it is not the rider's fault.

• Mentioning it is too hot, too dry, too humid, too wet, too buggy, etc., is considered self expression, not whining.

• We will acknowledge that horses are very strange animals and sometimes for no reason at all we fall off of them. If this happens to any rider, the other riders will ascertain that the person is okay and then not mention the incident to another living soul, especially husbands and significant others.

• We will acknowledge, without apology, that riding more than 6 hours increases our grumpy level far more than any ego benefits we may get from riding longer.

• Looking at my bouncing fat is NOT an acceptable way of determining if I have a good seat. My fat always bounces, thank you. It is cushion I carry in case I fall off.

(author of the above rules is unknown)

The following was added by another equestrian on a different site where this was posted. I love this, so for your enjoyment is yet another "rule":
• No OTD (Older Than Dirt) rider shall be asked "What's your discipline?", "Are you showing next weekend?" or "What level are you"? Answers like "I am totally undisciplined", "I showed up today; isn't that enough?", and "Actually I tend to list a bit to the left" will be acceptable should anyone younger than dirt ask those ridiculous questions.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Foxhunter's Guide - new fave blog!

Just found my new favorite blog - Foxhunter's Guide. If you have ever hunted or know someone who does, you might find this a fun read! Here's an exerpt that should make you chuckle:

You Might Be A Foxhunter If…

1. You’ve ever been charged with riding while intoxicated.

2. You’ve ever been pulled over on your way to the hunt ball and been asked if the circus is in town.

3. You’ve ever mucked out a stall wearing a tuxedo or an evening gown.

4. You’ve ever peed in a stall while wearing a tuxedo or an evening gown.

5. You have your orthopedist’s private number on speed dial.

6. You can legally claim your vet as a dependent on your income tax forms.

7. You drive a $2000 car and ride a $20,000 horse.

8. The only religious service you regularly attend is Blessing of the Hounds.

9. You think it makes perfect sense that a heavy, dinner-style meal served in late afternoon is referred to as “breakfast.”

10. Your sporting attire is all custom made and the rest of your wardrobe comes from Tractor Supply.

11. You can recite the bloodlines of every hound in your club’s kennels but frequently forget the names of your own children.

12. Gentlemen: You’d rather read Practical Horseman than Playboy.

13. Ladies: You’d rather read Covertside than Cosmo.

14. Your house has a mudroom that’s actually full of mud.

15. You’ve ever been busted for possession of a controlled substance and it turned out to be Ace.

16. You’ve ever run out of Tylenol and used Bute instead.

17. You’ve ever found out that your spouse was having an affair with the huntsman and decided it would be easier to replace the spouse than to find a new huntsman. (Submitted by Harry Kuniansky)

18. You’re only willing to accept a job that allows you to take off at least one weekday from September through March.

19. You can walk through airport security naked and still set off the metal detector.

20. You’ve ever told a paramedic, “If you even think about cutting off my custom-made boots, I will get up off this stretcher and kick your ass!” (To personalize this one, feel free to replace “custom-made boots” with “leather breeches,” “scarlet coat,” or any other garment a thoughtless EMT was approaching with scissors in hand.)